lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

And since, so far, anonymous people from my past have been a big thing in my posts on kindnesses I’ve experienced, let’s continue the trend!

This time we’re focusing on university! Where I took syntax courses. They didn’t advance beyond intermediate English syntax, I don’t think, but that’s okay! You may have remembered from last time that I said that I can get bored by classes?

Well, syntax was one of those classes. Not because I didn’t like the subject (I did!), but because the homework assignments we had didn’t cover what I wanted to learn and what I wanted to tackle. I know why they didn’t and it’s not like I never made mistakes, but they just… felt easy. There wasn’t any challenge in thinking about making the exercises. Figuring out why my answers were wrong, now. That was a wonderful challenge, but it didn’t exactly help me with my homework.

And yes this is the point where I admit to being a terrible student who rarely did her syntax homework on time. I was usually scrambling to finish it five minutes before the start of class. I don’t recommend it, but what’s done is done.

Anyway, I did actually do syntax during the time when I was supposed to do my homework! It just… wasn’t the exercises I should be practicing. It was usually a sentence from the back of whatever book I’d packed to read on the train ride back. It was a sentence I’d carefully selected to practice both the material I was supposed to be learning and explore the ways of syntax that we hadn’t yet covered in class.

And every week I did these sentences, I would check whether our teacher had some time left to go over the work with me and discuss what I’d done with it. She always had time for me. She didn’t always have a lot of time, true, but she always found the time to look the sentence over and correct it, despite the fact that she’d never seen the sentence before and despite the fact that they weren’t in any way academically sound practice sentences.

It’s one of my favourite memories from my time at university. True, I didn’t take syntax or any form of linguistics for my MA and moved onto purely literature, but I genuinely enjoy syntax as a subject and those few minutes at the end of a class to look over a student’s enthusiastic and excited “I like this so much let me do random extra work that’s really difficult!” sentences really meant a lot. ^_^

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Bilingual read-through of HEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt

List of Prominent Characters

So, the NL and EN tags are the ones actually used in the story. If it’s listed for both then it’s a shorthand I’m using to note which of the characters is which. Where no name for ‘both’ is included I haven’t used a name for both. (Expect this list to get updated per chapter!)

  • Beek (NL), Black Spring/Black Rock (EN), Black Beek (both)
  • Stefan (NL), Steve (EN), Ste (both)
  • Katherina (NL), Katherine (EN), Kat (both), aka Wylerheks (NL), Black Rock Witch (EN) Wyler Witch (both)
  • Jolanda (NL), Jocelyn (EN), Jo (both)
  • Timo (NL), Tyler (EN), Tiy (both)
  • Oma (NL), Gramma (EN), Granny (both)
  • Max (NL), Matt (EN), Maxmatt (both)
  • Robert Grim (NL, EN)
  • Claire Hamer (NL), Claire Hammer (EN)
  • Jens van der Heijden (NL), Warren Castillo (EN), Jenren (both)
  • Jasmine Aerendonck (NL), Bammy Delarosa (EN), Jasmy (both)
  • The Aerandoncks/The Delarosas, Aerenrosa (both)
  • Martijn Winkel (NL), Marty Keller (EN),Winler (both)
  • Loes Krijgsman (NL), Lucy Everett (EN), Loucy (both)
  • Pieter van Meerten (NL), Pete VanderMeer (EN), Pete van Meer (both)
  • Marieke (NL), Mary (EN), Marie (both)
  • Laurens (NL), Lawrence (EN), Lau (both)
  • Jelmer Holst (NL), Jaydon Holst (EN), Jaymer (both)
  • Mirna (NL), Sue (EN)
  • Burak Sayers (NL), Burak Şayers (EN)
  • Bert Aerendonck (NL), Burt Delarosa (EN)
  • Gemma Holst (NL), Griselda Holst (EN), Gemelda (both)
  • Kobus Mater (NL), Colton Mathers (EN), Colbus (both)
  • Jules Helsloot (NL), Justin Walker (En), Ju (both)

Whoever is born here, is doomed to stay ’til death. Whoever settles, never leaves.

Welcome to Black Spring, the seemingly picturesque Hudson Valley town haunted by the Black Rock Witch, a seventeenth century woman whose eyes and mouth are sewn shut. Muzzled, she walks the streets and enters homes at will. She stands next to children’s bed for nights on end. Everybody knows that her eyes may never be opened or the consequences will be too terrible to bear.

The elders of Black Spring have virtually quarantined the town by using high-tech surveillance to prevent their curse from spreading. Frustrated with being kept in lockdown, the town’s teenagers decide to break their strict regulations and go viral with the haunting. But, in so doing, they send the town spiraling into dark, medieval practices of the distant past.

In chapter 28: Ste has been freeing the Wyler Witch from her bonds. OH NOES!

TW for discussions of bestiality and more attempted suicide.

Read the rest of this entry » )

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

March, oh, March. Let’s just see what I’ve been up to in March. You know, apart from trying to recover my feet and get back up. ^_^ Let’s go!

What I've Posted

What I've Read

Bog Child by Siobhan Dowd: I think my main let-down about this book was how little it actually was about the body that Fergus found in the bog. It sounded like we’d get some rough balance between their two lives, but we get little more than the bare bones of the historical story. Outside of that, I enjoyed the book. Its plot was a little predictable in places, but the characters and the personalities carry it through. (My main gripe would have been when Fergus speaks up in a room full of archaeologists and experts on the field. I’m pretty sure at least one of them should have had the same idea Fergus did.)

City of Strife by Claudie Arseneault: My thoughts will come later, but in short: SQUEE! *lobs a pillow at Larryn because Larryn* I heart this book so so much and I want to use it to set up a writing curriculum on How To Include Characters’ Sexualities Overtly Yet Without Labels. *spins* This is glorious and lovely and I highly recommend it if you enjoy political fantasy and queer fantasy. Read iiiii~t.

The Elephant Party and Other Stories by Paul Biegel: A friend gave me this book because they knew I wanted to try some more Paul Biegel in translation. I didn’t think any of the stories in this were any good, I’m afraid. I can see why this one hasn’t been reprinted at all.

Island of Exiles by Erica Cameron: This was amaaaaaaaaaazing. I loved this! I loved how slowly everything built up and the twists and turns and revelations and the world-building and just whoo! <3<3<3<3<3<3 (My eloquence. Let me show you it.)

Shadows on the Moon by Zoë Marriott: I’m a sucker for fairytale retellings and, clearly, something saw me push through in two reading sessions, but I can’t say I enjoyed the book much. It was okay, but it didn’t blow me away. The superficialness and the handwaveyness of the setting bothered me and neither the main romance nor the protagonist’s drive for vengeance worked for me. Also this book comes with a trigger warning for on-screen explicit self-harm and, in my opinion, badly handled self-harm that’s more a plot device that showed up when convenient than an integral part of Suzume/Rin/Yue’s character. Not to mention that the way the book handled Akira’s gender unsettled me in ways I don’t really have words for but that would make me hesitant to recommend it to transgender readers without some large caveats. 🙁

Who Is Willing by M.C.A. Hogarth: Yay, space adventures! More stories about Alysha Forrest. I love Alysha and I love her discovering her self and her morals. I did find that it… annoyed me more than I’d expected to see her be the only person to make any kind of effort to get to know the Nayshi and the Platies. Alysha does have her own prejudices to deal with and these form the emotional heart of the book, but I wished we’d seen just a few more people make more of an attempt the way that Alysha did.

What I'm Reading

An Accident of Stars by Foz Meadows: This is… An odd book for me. It’s well-written and intriguing, but somehow it’s just not holding my interests at all. T_T

City of Betrayal by Claudie Arseneault:  One day, I will talk about this. That day is not right now. Suffice to say I find it very hard not to squeal at you all and start a livetweet of my reactions.

A Courtship of Dragons by Becca Lusher: Awww, Estenarven and Mastekh are so cute together. <3

Dragongift by Becca Lusher: Whooo! More Rift Riders stories! Very curious to see where this is going to go. So far (and by ‘so far’ I mean ‘we’re on chapter 2 still’ we haven’t yet had any answers for the questions left by the previous book. We do, however, get to deal with the aftermath.)

What I've Played

Aurion: Legacy of the Kori-Odan: I picked this game up as part of a Humble Bundle at some point and only just got around to checking it out. It’s an ARPG set in an African fantasy world and it shows. It’s glorious. The art is beautiful and, while I’m not a fan of the combat system, it’s still fun to use. I haven’t played much of it yet and right now I have some smaller issues with the writing, but overall I’m really intrigued by the narrative and looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds and the system continues.

Torment: Tides of Numenera: Last month, I said that I hoped I wasn’t near the end of the game. Alas, I was. I have to admit that I’m actually a little disappointed because I thought the environment would be bigger. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s a ton of replay value and I enjoyed myself a lot, but it wasn’t… what I thought it would be based on the hype surrounding it. It felt short and cramped. Even though I did my best to explore every single option available to me, a single playthrough took me, what, 25 hours when I’m used to them taking upwards of 40 hours. It’s a noticeable difference. Storywise, I liked it. It was fun to discover the setting and the story behind it and I loved some of the tougher choices in the game.

What I've Watched

Beauty and the Beast: Yes. I did watch it. I… have to admit I wasn’t much impressed by anything but the expanded backstory for the Beast and the increase in scenes where he and Belle bond. (Belle is my demisexual Disney princess headcanon, so of course I liked that.) I… am heartily unimpressed with Cogsworth and Lumière as well as with LeFou. And the scene where the wardrobe dresses men up in fancy French dresses just did not strike me as funny. The songs… I get that Disney wanted to make them fresh and new, but I really hated some of the changes. Disney, you’ll have people who want to sing along with these because they have for years, why are you purposefully tripping them up? And… Yeah. I just. When I heard we were getting a live action remake, I admit that I was expecting something I would love even more than the animated film because it’d be longer and we’d have a chance to fill it with all the things we’ve learned and… I felt like the film tossed or altered most of what I loved about the original. T_T

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

This Month's Goals

I Want to Read:

  • An Accident of Stars by Foz Meadows
  • City of Betrayal by Claudie Arseneault (betareading)

I Want to Write:

  • 40,000 words of fiction

Yep. That’s a big jump from “I just want to write at all”, but that’s because I’m joining Camp NaNo this April! Whoot! My official goal is somewhere around 30,000, I think, but why not be ambitious? XD

Writing-wise, I’ll be focusing April on the short story, but I’ve no doubt but that I’ll make forays into the demiprincess story as well. I have some more plans for Patreon content as well that I want to be working on, but I’m terrible at keeping track of the word count there or for shorter posts and may not manage to keep track. Thus, I’m officially declaring that I won’t count them for this month’s word goal.

And the books… Well,  obviously I’m going to aim for a lower book-reading threshold than I might since I’m focusing on writing. Mostly, both these books are chunksters, by my definition, and I feel horridly slow about reading them. Claudie’s book comes with a deadline, sort of, and An Accident of Stars isn’t really grabbing me right now, so I need the additional push to keep reading. We’ll see how it goes. ^_^

And… Yeah. That’s it! Onwards we go! XD

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Last Month's Goal
I Want to Read:

  • Books!

I Want to Write:

  • Words!

Well. I… certainly managed this. I’ve even managed to do more of both than I’d anticipated! :O March was a bit of an odd month, all things considered, so let’s just focus on the positives in that I did a fair bit of reading big, chunky books as well as some novellas and I also got a decent chunk of writing done. As I write this, my spreadsheet helpfully informs me I’ve written over 15,000 words this month, and most of them are fiction words for a new short story that I was working on. It’s not finished yet, but yay short story for my portfolio!

I also got a very little work done on DemiPrincess, which is less yay because I just want to finish it. I need to plunk myself down and do so. If I push, I should be able to get it done in a couple of days. This is how close I am!

And… Yeah. Sorry I’m not very talkative right now. I’m writing this after a few days of much talking and stressful posting, so I’m a bit drained of words, I think. I just want to look forward at the future and squeal about good things.

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

I saw this discussed recently and I thought that, as a multilingual reader with experience with multiple language markets, I thought I’d share my thoughts on the matter.

First things first: The answer is slightly different depending on the market you’re operating in. If you’re looking to translate your works into English, and you can afford a high quality translation, that’s a massive market that’ll be open to you. It’s not just the English-speaking countries that open up to you. It’s all the countries where English is taught as a second language and your native language is not too. So, if you’re thinking of expanding into the English-language market, the answer may well be “Yes, you should”.

When you’re looking at translating into languages, things get murkier and you’ll need to do more research to decide whether it’s worth it for you. Translation isn’t cheap. (Personally, I’d charge about $0.06 per word, which afaik, is still a fair bit below average and means a novelette at exactly 17,500 words would cost you about $1,050 to translate.) Markets vary in size. I can all but guarantee you that paying me to translate your story into Dutch will cost you far more than you’ll recoup. Besides, many Dutch readers are equally happy to read in English, so your book is already available to the majority. If you wanted to translate into Dutch, by all means do, but make sure you have a kick-ass marketing plan and a good reason to do it at a loss before you start because you’ll need them.

In contrast, for example, the Spanish language market is much bigger. You stand a far better chance at recouping your loss and, in my experience, there’s actually a sizeable chunk of that potential market that cannot access your books in English and will not be able to unless you translate it. That up-front investment in translation (and changing the text on your cover) may well recoup itself in time. You’ll still need a marketing plan and you still need to prepare for the chance of a loss, but the chances that you’ll be making a profit are much higher.

You might be better off doing what some authors have done which is pay for the translation out of pocket and shop it around to traditional publishers, using your indie sales to help convince a publisher that they want to publish the book you’ve already translated for them. They won’t be the ones paying extra for the translation since you already paid it, so you’ll stand a better chance of getting your work accepted than if you were shopping the English proposal around.

Whichever way you look at it: venturing into a foreign market is a risk, especially when it’s a market where you don’t speak the language at all and are dependent entirely on other people to tell you what’s going on. You may not want to deal with that aspect at all.

In short, my common sense advice is really: do your research and figure out whether the cost is worth the risk to you. It’s expensive and, depending on the market, there’s no real gain to be had. Ask yourself why you want to translate your book and look into your options. You may be much better served shopping the foreign rights of your book around to traditional publishers.

Well, I hope that was somewhat useful to you! ^_^

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Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Bilingual read-through of HEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt

List of Prominent Characters

So, the NL and EN tags are the ones actually used in the story. If it’s listed for both then it’s a shorthand I’m using to note which of the characters is which. Where no name for ‘both’ is included I haven’t used a name for both. (Expect this list to get updated per chapter!)

  • Beek (NL), Black Spring/Black Rock (EN), Black Beek (both)
  • Stefan (NL), Steve (EN), Ste (both)
  • Katherina (NL), Katherine (EN), Kat (both), aka Wylerheks (NL), Black Rock Witch (EN) Wyler Witch (both)
  • Jolanda (NL), Jocelyn (EN), Jo (both)
  • Timo (NL), Tyler (EN), Tiy (both)
  • Oma (NL), Gramma (EN), Granny (both)
  • Max (NL), Matt (EN), Maxmatt (both)
  • Robert Grim (NL, EN)
  • Claire Hamer (NL), Claire Hammer (EN)
  • Jens van der Heijden (NL), Warren Castillo (EN), Jenren (both)
  • Jasmine Aerendonck (NL), Bammy Delarosa (EN), Jasmy (both)
  • The Aerandoncks/The Delarosas, Aerenrosa (both)
  • Martijn Winkel (NL), Marty Keller (EN),Winler (both)
  • Loes Krijgsman (NL), Lucy Everett (EN), Loucy (both)
  • Pieter van Meerten (NL), Pete VanderMeer (EN), Pete van Meer (both)
  • Marieke (NL), Mary (EN), Marie (both)
  • Laurens (NL), Lawrence (EN), Lau (both)
  • Jelmer Holst (NL), Jaydon Holst (EN), Jaymer (both)
  • Mirna (NL), Sue (EN)
  • Burak Sayers (NL), Burak Şayers (EN)
  • Bert Aerendonck (NL), Burt Delarosa (EN)
  • Gemma Holst (NL), Griselda Holst (EN), Gemelda (both)
  • Kobus Mater (NL), Colton Mathers (EN), Colbus (both)
  • Jules Helsloot (NL), Justin Walker (En), Ju (both)

Whoever is born here, is doomed to stay ’til death. Whoever settles, never leaves.

Welcome to Black Spring, the seemingly picturesque Hudson Valley town haunted by the Black Rock Witch, a seventeenth century woman whose eyes and mouth are sewn shut. Muzzled, she walks the streets and enters homes at will. She stands next to children’s bed for nights on end. Everybody knows that her eyes may never be opened or the consequences will be too terrible to bear.

The elders of Black Spring have virtually quarantined the town by using high-tech surveillance to prevent their curse from spreading. Frustrated with being kept in lockdown, the town’s teenagers decide to break their strict regulations and go viral with the haunting. But, in so doing, they send the town spiraling into dark, medieval practices of the distant past.

In chapter 27: Ste continues to handle his favourite son’s death particularly badly. He also learns that Tiy saw… something at night that may or may not have been their resurrected dog and the end result is that Ste begs the Wyler Witch to resurrect his favourite son because he’ll do anything to make that happen.

Read the rest of this entry » )

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Bilingual read-through of HEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt

List of Prominent Characters

So, the NL and EN tags are the ones actually used in the story. If it’s listed for both then it’s a shorthand I’m using to note which of the characters is which. Where no name for ‘both’ is included I haven’t used a name for both. (Expect this list to get updated per chapter!)

  • Beek (NL), Black Spring/Black Rock (EN), Black Beek (both)
  • Stefan (NL), Steve (EN), Ste (both)
  • Katherina (NL), Katherine (EN), Kat (both), aka Wylerheks (NL), Black Rock Witch (EN) Wyler Witch (both)
  • Jolanda (NL), Jocelyn (EN), Jo (both)
  • Timo (NL), Tyler (EN), Tiy (both)
  • Oma (NL), Gramma (EN), Granny (both)
  • Max (NL), Matt (EN), Maxmatt (both)
  • Robert Grim (NL, EN)
  • Claire Hamer (NL), Claire Hammer (EN)
  • Jens van der Heijden (NL), Warren Castillo (EN), Jenren (both)
  • Jasmine Aerendonck (NL), Bammy Delarosa (EN), Jasmy (both)
  • The Aerandoncks/The Delarosas, Aerenrosa (both)
  • Martijn Winkel (NL), Marty Keller (EN),Winler (both)
  • Loes Krijgsman (NL), Lucy Everett (EN), Loucy (both)
  • Pieter van Meerten (NL), Pete VanderMeer (EN), Pete van Meer (both)
  • Marieke (NL), Mary (EN), Marie (both)
  • Laurens (NL), Lawrence (EN), Lau (both)
  • Jelmer Holst (NL), Jaydon Holst (EN), Jaymer (both)
  • Mirna (NL), Sue (EN)
  • Burak Sayers (NL), Burak Şayers (EN)
  • Bert Aerendonck (NL), Burt Delarosa (EN)
  • Gemma Holst (NL), Griselda Holst (EN), Gemelda (both)
  • Kobus Mater (NL), Colton Mathers (EN), Colbus (both)
  • Jules Helsloot (NL), Justin Walker (En), Ju (both)

Whoever is born here, is doomed to stay ’til death. Whoever settles, never leaves.

Welcome to Black Spring, the seemingly picturesque Hudson Valley town haunted by the Black Rock Witch, a seventeenth century woman whose eyes and mouth are sewn shut. Muzzled, she walks the streets and enters homes at will. She stands next to children’s bed for nights on end. Everybody knows that her eyes may never be opened or the consequences will be too terrible to bear.

The elders of Black Spring have virtually quarantined the town by using high-tech surveillance to prevent their curse from spreading. Frustrated with being kept in lockdown, the town’s teenagers decide to break their strict regulations and go viral with the haunting. But, in so doing, they send the town spiraling into dark, medieval practices of the distant past.

In chapter 26: We briefly get a look at the state of minds of Gemelda and Grim. Also apparently Maxmatt has temporarily woken up to shout a warning and then went back into his comatose/catatonic state.

Read the rest of this entry » )

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Bilingual read-through of HEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt

List of Prominent Characters

So, the NL and EN tags are the ones actually used in the story. If it’s listed for both then it’s a shorthand I’m using to note which of the characters is which. Where no name for ‘both’ is included I haven’t used a name for both. (Expect this list to get updated per chapter!)

  • Beek (NL), Black Spring/Black Rock (EN), Black Beek (both)
  • Stefan (NL), Steve (EN), Ste (both)
  • Katherina (NL), Katherine (EN), Kat (both), aka Wylerheks (NL), Black Rock Witch (EN) Wyler Witch (both)
  • Jolanda (NL), Jocelyn (EN), Jo (both)
  • Timo (NL), Tyler (EN), Tiy (both)
  • Oma (NL), Gramma (EN), Granny (both)
  • Max (NL), Matt (EN), Maxmatt (both)
  • Robert Grim (NL, EN)
  • Claire Hamer (NL), Claire Hammer (EN)
  • Jens van der Heijden (NL), Warren Castillo (EN), Jenren (both)
  • Jasmine Aerendonck (NL), Bammy Delarosa (EN), Jasmy (both)
  • The Aerandoncks/The Delarosas, Aerenrosa (both)
  • Martijn Winkel (NL), Marty Keller (EN),Winler (both)
  • Loes Krijgsman (NL), Lucy Everett (EN), Loucy (both)
  • Pieter van Meerten (NL), Pete VanderMeer (EN), Pete van Meer (both)
  • Marieke (NL), Mary (EN), Marie (both)
  • Laurens (NL), Lawrence (EN), Lau (both)
  • Jelmer Holst (NL), Jaydon Holst (EN), Jaymer (both)
  • Mirna (NL), Sue (EN)
  • Burak Sayers (NL), Burak Şayers (EN)
  • Bert Aerendonck (NL), Burt Delarosa (EN)
  • Gemma Holst (NL), Griselda Holst (EN), Gemelda (both)
  • Kobus Mater (NL), Colton Mathers (EN), Colbus (both)
  • Jules Helsloot (NL), Justin Walker (En), Ju (both)

Whoever is born here, is doomed to stay ’til death. Whoever settles, never leaves.

Welcome to Black Spring, the seemingly picturesque Hudson Valley town haunted by the Black Rock Witch, a seventeenth century woman whose eyes and mouth are sewn shut. Muzzled, she walks the streets and enters homes at will. She stands next to children’s bed for nights on end. Everybody knows that her eyes may never be opened or the consequences will be too terrible to bear.

The elders of Black Spring have virtually quarantined the town by using high-tech surveillance to prevent their curse from spreading. Frustrated with being kept in lockdown, the town’s teenagers decide to break their strict regulations and go viral with the haunting. But, in so doing, they send the town spiraling into dark, medieval practices of the distant past.

In chapter 25: Maxmatt is now in hospital and there was a funeral service for Tiy. Ste is totally not there for his wife or remaining son because he’s grieving and he hates everyone. Also I really dislike the way the book handles its portrayal of relatives and loved ones of someone who committed suicide.

Read the rest of this entry » )

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.

lynnoconnacht: A brown-haired girl in a gingham dress looking at the viewer over her shoulder. (!Me blue default)

Somewhere in the grand list of Things Lynn Is Grateful For, I always find myself going back to primary school. Primary school was… not a good time for me. I think there was about one year in which I didn’t get bullied.

I don’t recall if I’ve written about that before, but anyway this is not a post about bullying. I’m just mentioning it because the mindset is important. I went from being a social introvert who loved storytelling and sharing to a wallflower quite quickly.

I wasn’t just a wallflower, though. I became a ‘trouble-maker’. I didn’t like being in classrooms at all. They were loud and, you know, the kids who bullied me were there and I was expected to cooperate with them on things. And mostly I blanked out this part of my life as much as possible, but the main point is this: instead of addressing the fact that I was bullied and getting the other kids to behave they labelled me as a trouble-maker because I get disrupting the class.

They started removing me from the classroom. Which meant I acted out worse because, look, that was what I wanted. (Okay, so the thing I wanted was for things to be quiet and more challenging and for the bullying to not-happen, but since that was the functional result of being moved into the teachers’ lounge…)

My point is that during most of my formative years I was told by teachers that I wasn’t worth anything. They may not have meant to, but that was what happened when they didn’t address the issues I was having and only looked at the surface. My self-worth, already having taken a beating from repeated bullying, plummeted further.

And then, when I was… nine, I think, a new teacher started to work at our school. He wasn’t my teacher (yet), but he was… I’m not sure if he was new and still filled with the energy of a newly graduated teacher, full of ideals. Probably that’s just the kind of person he was.

But the point is that he saw us. He saw me. And he didn’t see a child that was just making trouble for the sake of making trouble. Or whatever the teachers before him thought I was doing. No, he saw a child worth encouraging. He taught me that I was worth something. That I mattered.

And sure it didn’t stop the bullying, but his belief in me was something that I sorely needed.

In secondary school things were somewhat better. At least in the sense that I had teachers who believed in me and who encouraged me to keep up my studies and attend university. (It’s not that I hated school. I like school and learning. Yes, I’m weird. Deal with it? It’s just I hated the bullying and I hated being bored by the classes.) And so I found myself at university after all.

All because one teacher in primary school decided to look past the label of trouble-maker and saw a child who just needed encouragement and someone with an authority position to say “I believe in you”.

Mirrored from Little Lion Lynnet's.